I’ll start by saying that everything I share in this series of articles is based on my own understanding and interpretation of what I heard and experienced during the event with Michael Neill. It might not accurately reflect what was shared or intended by Michael Neill or other participants in the event. I take full responsibility for the contents I wrote in the following articles.

At the end of September, I had the privilege to participate in a live event with Michael Neill in London called Beyond Success.

My intention was to explore more the “operating system” (or “mindset”) of the Three Principles, which I have found to be helpful over the years to upgrade our psyche, one of the seven elements of Conscious Business. I also wanted to meet Michael Neill and experience his teaching. Michael has been a mentor to one of my early coaches, Rich Litvin, and I have found his coaching and teaching deeply compassionate and coming from a place of wisdom, non-attachment and love. He brings a gentle and caring energy to his coaching that I really like, which contrasts with other coaches who are focused on results and performance, which ultimately is not what I am looking for.

It was a deep and transformative experience.

In this article, I’ll share a few insights from this event, although reading about it cannot convey what happens in such events. Reading about an insight is not the same as getting it. But it can point to a way, plant seeds, and hopefully be helpful to some readers.

Beyond Success

We started with a whole reflection on what success really is and why people pursue it in the first place. There are usually two main reasons why people go after success:

1. They want the feelings they associate with it
2. They want to be seen in a certain way

Success looks different to each person, and in reality, there is no such thing as success, it doesn’t exist. It’s an ever-receding mirage. When we “reach it”, we have subconsciously upped the bar to the “next level of success”. The true question is whether we are enjoying the journey, and whether it is meaningful.

Is our journey pointed in a direction we truly want?

Some direct takeways:

• Go after things you want to see in your world.
• Take on tasks you can’t succeed at, if they are meaningful to you and if you experience fulfilment pursuing them.
• Play games you have chosen, not default games or games others have been chosen for you.

We were reminded that we tend to like to be challenged enough, as I explained in an article on flow.

Also, getting what we want is sometimes different from feeling good. Often, we want to experience the feelings we associate with getting what we want, but in reality, we aren’t always that accurate in predicting the feelings we will experience: sometimes, we experience pleasant feelings, and other times, unpleasant ones when we get what we want.

It’s OK to want what you want

“You can have anything you want in life – you just have to actually want it.”

Barbara Banks.

What if wanting was OK?

What if knowing what we want and going for it gave us a clear and reliable sense of direction in life?

What if wanting came from our soul?

A big takeway for me was getting more comfortable being ok with wanting what I want, and not wanting what I don’t want.

Indeed, we live in a culture where we tend to make judgements about what we want or what we are supposed to want. A whole set of fears and moral judgements set in about what we truly want. Some of my fears came up as questions such as:

But what if I don’t want the right things/things that are good for me?

Well, I guess I’ll learn to want better things. That’s called experience.

Indeed, what we want changes over time (do you still want the same things today as when you were 7 years old?).

Here are some helpful questions to reflect on:

What do you want?

Ask this question several times, and write down the answers.

For each of the answers, ask yourself:

Do you really want that?

See what happens.

Another version of this is the following:

What do you want?

Is that what you actually want?

Is there something else you want?

There is indeed a difference between what we think/say we want and what we actually want.

You’ve probably heard the saying sung by the Rolling Stones:

“You can’t always get what you want, but you get what we need.”

What if we actually always got what we really want, not what we think we want (although sometimes in unexpected forms…)?

Think about it, especially for tricky and unpleasant situations of your life…

Michael also shared astutely that how much we want something is inversely proportional to the number of reasons we way we really want it.

“Where attention goes, consciousness flows.”

To dive into action, start doing what you really want. If something is not flowing, ask yourself:

“Do I really want to do this right now?”

See what happens, and redirect your course if need be.

For instance, one evening, I started to read Herman Hesse’s Glass Bead Game, his Opus Magnum. But I somehow didn’t feel like reading it. Usually I will read fiction in the evenings, to relax from the heady materials I go through during the day. But after a dozen pages, I put the book down and started reading a book I really felt like reading a book by the French entrepreneur Olivier Roland, the author of  The Way of the Intelligent Rebel: Succeed Outside the System, Teach Yourself Anything, and Achieve Ultimate Freedom. Reading that felt much more fluid, although it didn’t make any sense: A part of me was telling me that I am supposed to focus on one book at a time (I actually read 4-5 books at a time), and that focusing my attention on the Glass Bead Game would allow me to finish reading it quick enough to give it back to the friend who lent it to me. But it didn’t feel good at all, and the whole point of relaxing is to enjoy what one is doing. Sometimes, doing something that might look “irrational” might be your best move. Just like that Thursday afternoon at 2pm when my clients were not responding to my emails, I had no more emails to respond to, no project to move forward on, and felt frustrated at the world for “not being responsive enough and effective enough”. Until I decided to shut down my laptop, call it a day (at 2:30pm ! and go for a lovely bike ride in nature). Best Thursday afternoon ever !

The next day, I got the replies I needed, and was coming from a place of refreshment and aliveness !

“It’s just a Yes or No. I want to or I don’t want to.

It doesn’t need a story.”

To dive deeper into this topic, see Michael Neill’s You Can Have What You Want: Proven Strategies for Inner and Outer Success, or Derek Sivers’ Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur.

Stay tuned for part 2.