Helpful truths in Life & Coaching

I find it interesting to think about what is true. I did not say what is “real”, which is another topic all together (we could talk about whether there is an existence of an inherent reality, an Absolute reality, a created reality, the relationship between these different forms of reality…). Here, I am merely talking about Truth.

Actually, I will not discuss the metaphysical and philosophical implications of the existence of absolute Truth, but more some principles, some axioms, which, when taken as if true, will produce better results in our life than if we don’t.

In other terms, what are some healthy beliefs to cultivate (which help us move forward), versus some unhealthy beliefs (which keep us stuck).

Here are a few:

“In Life, we don’t always get what we want, but we always get what we need.”

Life, when played full out, is a game. We can strive for what we want, (and sometimes, going for what we really, really want is truly the best thing we can do). But growth occurs when we draw the lessons, even when we don’t get what we want. We always get what we need in the sense that circumstances happen “for us”, not “to us”.

Some time ago, I coached a business student, who did not get selected for a certain job. She felt disappointed, and frustrated. After asking a few probing questions, I told her:

“Given how they handled the interview process, my sense is that this company would not have been a good fit for you. Aim higher.”

She was puzzled, and didn’t really know what to make of that.

Several months later, she sent me an email telling me about this new company she had been hired at. She even told me:

“By the way, you were right, this other company was not a right fit for me.”

You don’t always get what we want, but you always get what you need.

What you put in is what you get out

I start the classes and the workshops I teach in this way:

What you put in is what you get out.

Some students and participants come in before the beginning of the workshop. They are ready, fresh, prepared. They have done the prep work, they participate, self-reflect, and do the work. They ask questions, they help others. They put in their efforts, time, attention, they dive fully. Others arrive late, are distracted, don’t really have a clue what to do nor why they are here, kind of wait for the monkey-facilitator to do his monkey dance and impress them, enroll them, convince them of the purpose and usefulness of the workshop.

Guess who gets the most from the experience?

Guess who gets the best results, transformation, insights, growth, grades?

What you put in anything is what you get out of it.

In Conscious Leadership (p. 19), Jim Dethmer explains that “Commitment is a statement of what is. […] You can know your commitments by your results, not by what you say your commitments are. We are all committed. We are all producing results. Conscious leaders owh their commitments by owning their results. […]

Here is a simple illustration: We are all committed (the way we use this word) to weighing exactly what we weigh in this moment. How do we know this? Because this is what is. […]

 The result – not our words- is the proof of a commitment.” If you are weighing 100kgs, you are committed to that. You can say that you are committed to losing weight, but as long as you don’t, you are still committed to who you are right now.

In which areas of your life are you not showing up 100%?

What are you not really committed to (although you might wish you were)?

For more on Conscious Leadership, read the book or read my article.

The shortest path to liberation is to love what is

Whatever challenge you are feeling in your life or your business right now, there is a rapid and effective way to set yourself free:

Love what is.

As taught by Byron Katie in her various seminars and her book Loving what is, the only thing that keeps us stuck is the way we see our situation and judge it. That judging causes a storm of negative thoughts, which create our suffering. We can’t get unstuck unless we untangle that mess.

Byron Katie has done a great job with her four questions inquiry, which you can use for free here.

Here are some questions based on her work:

What is it about the situation that you hate the most?

How do you feel when you feel that thought?

Who would you be without that thought?

This can be a very challenging question:

Would you be willing to see things from a different perspective?

(Hint: If not, you are choosing to stay stuck.)

If you said yes, try this:

What is lovely about this situation?

Name at least 3 things.

(If you want to understand the philosophy behind this, listen the story of the Chinese farmer narrated by Alan Watts.)

Where does everything start?

Here and Now.

I have been diving deeper into the biography of Ram Dass, the American spiritual teacher who’s life is an embodiment of love despite many successes and many struggles. One of his greatest teachings around presence is the title of his famous book:

Be here now.

I find that one of the most powerful pieces of advice, when I feel stuck, don’t know what to do or where to go:

Be here now.